I always sing sweet songs to my Mountain Dew. ~Derrick Lewis
After the zoo, and watching the monkeys, it just ruined the whole sexual mystery for me. ~Dave Butenhoff
I think people should stop worrying about nipples and go and bake me a pie. ~Dave Butenhoff
The BBC is my turn on! ~Dave Butenhoff
He kept causing into me! ~Anneliese Stuht
I'm sniffing a fart here, so don't cut me off. ~Derrick Lewis
I want my next line. ~Meghan Nickerson
I know. It's fun. ~Meghan Nickerson
Did you know that half the Vaseline in this country is used in prisons? ~Dave Butenhoff
If I was a guy, I'd run away and cry. ~Dave Butenhoff
"What part of you is getting sucked?" "My butt!" ~Julie McGarvie (1) & Talia Galowitch (2)
I felt my bahhhhhhhhhhhhhdy! ~Dave Butenhoff
It was the perfect "what?"! ~Derrick Lewis
The only guys who like talking to women are chubby and pasty. ~Matt, Bruegger's Boy Matt
What part is "fuck you!"? ~Meghan Nickerson
It's like, my weakest arm in the world. ~Meghan Nickerson
Shhh....fall to the floor. ~Dave Butenhoff
Why am I always the gender-fuck? ~Dave Butenhoff
You know what track I'm on? Stupidity! ~Derrick Lewis
If it helps, I am, actually. ~Derrick Lewis
Bryce Larson, I'm Anneliese Stuht! ~Anneliese Stuht
Words. Words. Scary words. Words about vaginas. ~Derrick Lewis
"My head is not a basketball!" "Nor an antiseptic bottle." ~Shundreya Robinson (1) & Katie Cleveland (2)
If I could bottle my vagina, I'd be a millionaire! ~Jen Dodgson
Aren't you supposed to be in pain? ~Shundreya Robinson
Talk to the wolves! ~Katie Cleveland
She punched my coochi snorcher and broke my entire self. ~Katie Cleveland
Don't break my entire self again. ~Katie Cleveland
We was there hahahahahahahaha! ~Katie Cleveland
Ouch! It hurts! No, I mean... ~Jen Dodgson
Sounds like a soup! ~Katie Cleveland
If this person needs to flee, they can just get up and go that way. ~Anja Klock
"I spilled Mello Yello on my crotch." "Wow, I hope someday some guy says that to me." ~Reed Sigmund (1) & Molly Sutton (2)
Folks, I'm gonna summarize the next few monologues. Vaginas are good. Thank you. ~Reed Sigmund
My watch turned Spanish! ~Colin G.
Girlfriends don't last forever! ~Bonnie A.
Can Cheese Whiz save your soul? ~Bonnie A.
Thank you for explaining the philosophy of croutons. ~Steve H.
Are you going to put some gas on? ~Danika K.
And it was from the book of Steven 1:1 that said, "Smell my feet!" ~Steven H.
It's trying to be leather, but it fails! ~Claire K.
What size combat boots do you wear? ~the Army ROTC guy who listens to Jewel
I'm a switch-hitter, baby! ~Austen M.
The guy who tied me up said that they would turn me from a schoolmarm into a killing machine. ~Bonnie A.
I don't eat anything that sounds like "scone"! ~Jason Andrae
Noah, you're 12. ~Bree D.
It's an anarchy parking lot. Just take over. ~Jason Andrae
Bonnie, did you know that your helmet says "Pray For Death"? ~Bree D.
Do you know anyone who has a butt chin? I want a butt chin! ~Scott R.
Look, I'm bustin' outta my shirt! ~Bonnie A.
Today, I like, totally stuck my watch under the faucet. ~Bonnie A.
You're a good girl. I'm a bad boy. I'm naughty. ~Colin G.
Hey Bree, have you ever driven the wrong way down a one-way street before? ~Colin G.
Out of the two of us, who's more likely to have fleas? ~Bonnie A.
I'm hearty. ~Colin G.
You givin' us 'tude? ~Colin G. & Steve H.
It's like a cult! ~Mark Liszewski
That's so sad....34-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN!!!! ~Colin G.
Don't spit at the virgins, Colin. ~Bree D.
"Do I have my keys?" "The question is, do you have your pants?" ~Jason Andrae (1) & Andrew Poppe (2)
Luke's taking up all the space in the fridge. Uh-uh, girlfriend! ~Colin G.
I have a hankering for a big bottle of calcium. Ya got a fork? ~Colin G.
John Wesley....who's that? God's cousin? ~Bree D.
It's pink crack. ~Bonnie A.
Bonnie, you idiot! That's why we don't cook in the room! ~Bree D.
"It's a steam burn." "How'd that happen?" ~Bonnie A. (1) & Luke Corwin (2)
Ok, who put "cheese" as their greatest fear? ~Bree D.
You should go sit in a shoe or something. ~Beth Richardson
No, Bonnie, you smoke crack. ~Bree D.
Is it like, bubbling or anything? ~Bonnie A.
She's Bon-Bon, the IT Floor Whore! ~Steve H.
My brother always said I look like a salamander. ~Bonnie A.
I was once like this once. ~Jason Andrae
I don't feel disgruntled, they're just inferior. ~Bree D.
You have an Oriental in your room? ~Jason Andrae
Cuz my Poli-Grip fell in the toilet. ~Bonnie A.
They laughed at our vegetables. ~Jason Andrae
I think Jason's going more crazy than I am. Arf. ~Bonnie A.
What kind of game is this? ~Jason Andrae
Oh ewww! ~Beth Richardson
Gotta get the ticks out first. ~Colin G.
It's like when you put crackers in parmesean cheese. ~Beth Richardson
It's like a computer quiet time. ~Bonnie A.
"Luke won a free sub tonight at CCC." "Well, that just makes him sexy!" ~Bonnie A. (1) & Bree D. (2)
My hair just has too much bounty! ~Scott R.
When Colin hisses, you know she's hot. ~Noah Dvorak
I did so much French, Colin, I'm French-fried! ~Bonnie A.
There was a crack baby at my church. He was Homeboy John! ~Bonnie A.
Well, I'm a virgin, too, Colin! ~Bonnie A.
Shoe of sin. Well, a sandal, actually, size 7, slightly worn. ~Colin G.
"Emancipated Josh." "You mean emaciated. Emancipated means freed." ~Scott R. (1) & Bree D. (2)
I told Luke something that will keep him up at night. ~Bonnie A.
Aren't you glad you don't wake up horny, Bonnie? ~Bree D.
That's what we can do this weekend. We can suck on cows on the St. Paul campus! ~Bonnie A.
Are you in a gang, Bonnie? ~Colin G.
We're called the Cow Suckas! ~Colin G.
I'd wax. ~Colin G.
So, Bonnie, when are you next doing your laundry? ~Matt W.
Hey Bonnie, do you have a Bible? ~Matt W.
That made it worth getting up at 4:30 in the morning! ~Bonnie A. & Bree D.
It's like a dude farm! ~Anne Rollins
You try and hit them with water. ~Eric Christian
"What happens at 214?" "We fall apart!" ~Trumpet girl (1) & Mark Olson (2)
"Mmmm....dulces..." "Mmmm....dulces..." ~Heather F. (1) & Austen M. (2)
Yeah, like the feeling of Elmer's glue sliding down your throat! ~Colin G.
I'm in one of those strip-naked-and-run-through-the-halls moods. Screaming. ~Claire K.
It's like your tongue fits your face! ~Bonnie A.
I once knew a guy who had no neck! I had a kid with him once. ~Beth Richardson
We used to take showers in plastic. You hang the plastic on the tree and you dump water over it. ~Beth Richardson
"You can't hear because your ear is on the pillow." "I have another ear!!" ~Matt W. (1) & Bonnie A. (2)
I always liked older guys, cuz they were 'grown up size' and I was 'grown up size'. ~Bonnie A.
It's like when my mom fell off a horse and fell on her butt; her butt was really sore and I slapped it. ~Beth Richardson
I wear lipstick. ~Matt W.
You really want to get it. You don't not want to get it. ~Scott R.
Mmmmm...these are some good Samoans! ~Colin G.
I didn't even reduce my fraction. ~Colin G.
Like a zoo on a hot day! {Deep inhalation of air through the nose} (Scott's cackle) ~Colin G.
You profess to be an enemy of Satan, yet you like summer camp. ~Colin G.
Yeah, "I Was An Obnoxious Teenage College Bowl Player!" ~David Levinson
So, do I type sexy? ~Colin G. as Noah
What's that saying? Luther's online? ~Bonnie A.
She's refreshingly blunt. ~Bonnie A.
The call is coming from the inside of the house, and he's Jewish! ~Colin G.
Let me just begin by saying that H. Colin Gallagher is simply the most beautiful, intelligent, most well-rounded person ever to walk the face of the earth. But of course, we all know this anyhow and to reiterate it would be redundant. That being said, it now seems a bit futile to write this paper. The world is so trivial as it is, why confuse things by writing a paper that only gets in the way of the undeniable fact that Colin is a great man, nay, a legendary man? You say such words are the talk of an arrogant man. Oh how I do pity you lowly people. Stop your toiling in the fields, wee ones. Come and bask in his magnificence. ~Colin G.
Ya got the Amish, then ya got the hillbillies, and then ya got me. ~Colin G.
Hello, welcome to me not being in the middle of a sentence! ~Heather F.
I think I'd pick Jimb. ~Bonnie A.
Bon-Bon, the IT Whore. Go downstairs and maybe she'll score! ~Heather F.
In the name of Christian love, he smells bad. ~Bree D.
My three responses to all stimuli today are seemingly-stony silence, noncommital grunt, or hysterical laughter. ~Claire K.
Figure skating. Ha ha ha ha ha. ~Claire K.
What would be a good don't-molest-me shirt? ~Bonnie A.
Girl! ~Colin G.
And don't talk to any guys dressed like clowns. ~Colin G.
8th floor's a myth! ~random person in the stairwell
So how much is a weird? ~Jason Andrae
Ya think?! ~Jason Andrae & Andrew Poppe
Yeah, I wanna be a vegetable physician. ~Jason Andrae
Where do you keep it? ~Austen M.
I wish people would send me more food than information. ~Bonnie A.
I had a life. I had a huge life. ~Jason Andrae
We're from Waukesha, if you can't hear us, you're not from Waukesha... ~Jason Andrae
Road-tripper: one who trips on the road. ~Jason Andrae
Hey, lookit, you've got nice-smelling pants. ~Jason Andrae
Bonnie & her Communist 5-year plans.... ~Jason Andrae
When I was only two years old, an event occurred that would be any parent's worst nightmare. My mom gave me a peanut butter sandwich. ~Jason Andrae
We call it the Alcott Once-over. ~Bree D.
Ever watched a porn? ~Scott R.
It was more like wet soggy Cheerios. ~Mark Olson
I don't want to be manly! ~Jeremy (drummer guy)
I could bring him some peanut butter & honey.... ~Bonnie A.
I microwaved my cat. ~Beth Richardson
It's wicker. ~Colin G.
Most mannequins can't menstruate. ~Bonnie A.
It's like giving God a blowjob. ~Heather F.
I want this tattooed on my forehead. ~Claire K.
Have you learned the Russian word for "to infiltrate" yet? ~Colin G.
Now we know how Heather tastes. ~Bonnie A.
How does she know? ~Beth Richardson
How bout brick? ~Scott R.
We should add a "of M" there. ~Colin G.
There's just something about combines. ~Beth Richardson
They're diverse? ~Bree D.
I'm seriously going to have to sell my soul to biology. ~Bonnie A.
Like I was considering taking intro to him. ~Jason Andrae
Who made that smell in the bathroom? ~Heather F.
They just gave you the gerbil test? ~Savita Iyengar
Dining hall hummus! ~Bree D.
Yes, if you suddenly get bashed in the head and lose all verbal skills, we'll tell you. ~Colin G.
If she's reading Rush Limbaugh, she's going straight to hell! ~Mark Liszewski
I'm going to read some Rush to cheer me up. ~Colin G.
Guess what? We're having a Mexican fiesta and it's National Chemistry Day!!! ~Jason Andrae
Man, you never can tell if someone's human or a god. ~Bonnie A.
My gosh, it looks like pubic hair! ~Hannah T.
Now Aunt Nate has to fix it. ~Claire K.
"And there's the untamed beauty!" "Tame this!" ~Claire K. (1) & Heather F. (2)
"He looks like he has one of those things on his head." "A yarmulke?" "Yeah!" "Yeah, he's a certified Jew!" ~Nate Lewis (1, 3) & Heather F. (2, 4)
Psychadelic drugs? ~Andrea Gage
The women sucked it up and bit the apple? ~Benjamin H.
Bonnie is sucking the teat of Jesus to get the cream of life! ~Benjamin H.
If you're from Minnesota, and you're deaf, you've probably heard of it! ~Teresa Salentine
She sure is pretty for being drunk... ~Scott R.
If, after eating this, I suddenly turn Southern Baptist, put me out of my misery. ~Colin G.
No, I'm serious! Let me sign something! ~Colin G.
I just turned on your webpage. ~Danika K.
Oh my god, it's scary in there. Is that a men's bathroom? ~Patti Ybarra
H'ozone. It's the contraction. ~Scott Gilbert
They're reptilian. ~Colin G.
My campaign slogan would be "Burn the hobos!"!! ~Colin G.
Yeah, the ghetto Bible. And people'd always be like, "Who's your Daddy?" and I'd be like, "My Daddy's upstairs." ~Bonnie A.
We'll pretend like this conversation never happened. ~Jeremiah
That's either a very strange ice bag or you're feeding a small child. ~Colin's X-ray nurse
Nothing says Hanukkah like bubblegum crayons. ~Matt W.
Oh, be quiet. It's healthy. ~Scott W.
Yeah, you're a big, black man stuck inside a short white woman's body. ~Austen M.
Maybe if I put on the Kermit hat, I'll get saved. ~Heather F.
Larry Edwards is one big run-on sentence. ~Jennifer Gilpin
Can you say, "At a really cool final?" No, no one can. ~Andrew Poppe
Bleach takes out the dirt, honey, not the luck! ~Claire K.
So what's that? The rinse cycle? ~Claire K.
Is this some kind of weird pride thing? ~Colin G.
I'm gonna go find out her name, and beat her up. In a Christian manner. ~Beth Richardson
Whoever said ignorance is bliss didn't know much. ~Bree D.
On my last anniversary, my friend Danika left me for the frozen crême. ~Bree D.
She's the one woman I would go straight for. ~Nate Lewis
If I were a bunny, I'd take a carrot from you. ~David S.
That was high. You should sing. ~Beth Richardson
The sooner the merrier in some cases... ~Steve H.
That's the way I want to go...death by African gyros. ~Steve H.
Ok...for them, they were symptoms. For you, they're lovable character traits. ~Colin G.
He got married because I spelled the wrong word. ~Andrew Poppe
I love your type of Yankee. ~Colin G.
Colin, when I take over the world, you can have $20. ~Bree D.
I think your psychological probs are endearing. ~Colin G.
It was like a nightclub in there! ~Bonnie A.
He's cloistered-monk religious. ~Colin G.
By the way, you might think this is water. It's not! It's 100 proof vodka! ~Jack Hershbell
You should put it in wood. ~Claire K.
You're Batman, aren't you? ~Colin G.
She does a question of the day and we all just play along. ~Claire K.
Wow. Now no one will learn your secret identity, and you can still just slide down the pole from the Manor! ~Eric Sanford
Hector died for you! ~Caitlin W.
I'd be like, "Oh my god! Have money!" ~Bree D.
I kissed a Boy Scout. Imagine my horror! ~Caitlin W.
Perkins doesn't have specials. They're like, "Pay the fuckin' price." ~Caitlin W.
True love = potato flakes ~Andrea's Steve
Would it cause me death? ~Heather F.
I'm the Goddess of the Uniboob! ~Heather F.
"You know that movie where those two retards fell in love?" "No." "Well, there was this movie where two retards fell in love..." ~Heather F. (1 & 3) & Bree D. (2)
Does she like, have a birth defect or something? ~Ashleigh S.
My neighbors had a hot tub. Man, I miss them. ~Bonnie A.
No, no animal pieces. They have a hot tub. ~Ashleigh S.
Jack's a fragile creature! ~Ethan Gannaway
Keeps ya outta the bars! ~Jack Hershbell
Bonnie, you're an abstinent tramp. ~Colin G.
"Is there a big, animatronic vagina that comes and eats people?" "Like they have at Disney World?" ~Colin G. (1) & Bonnie A. (2)
Watch out; there's like, mad toner shit going on. ~Patti Ybarra
Chris: This is God. Ole & Judas got bad raps. ~message on Chris B.'s whiteboard
And when I'm bored, I crush them in my palm and try to make diamonds. ~David S.
So is that an advantage or a disadvantage? ~Heather F.
What came in that package? A gun? ~Scott R.
"I'm calling the Blockbuster on Lake." "Ok." "And don't try to stop me!" ~Scott R. (1 & 3) & Bree D. (2)
You know, one time I double-pierced my ear, and I couldn't watch Star Trek for a week. ~Bonnie A.
We kissed. ~Bonnie A.
It's got a big butt. ~Scott R.
Oh! I thought it wrong. ~Heather F.
Last time I decided that girls were tolerable, and I dated one... ~Steve Struthers
I want you to get in touch with your inner Sally Struthers. ~Patti Ybarra
Everlasting underwear. It's like an everlasting gobstobber. ~Heather F.
I know it's not, like, a rippin' good yarn. ~Patti Ybarra
It's an unconfirmed pole. ~Bonnie A.
You guys are over linear, right? ~Patti Ybarra
All those Bs. I get retarded. ~Claire K.
They're so heavy, they like, pull my head apart. ~Patti Ybarra
How come they don't sound Irish? ~Claire K.
My mom thinks I'm a girl. It's funny. ~Patti Ybarra
"Heather, you're not going to be here next year!" "But lookit my ass!" ~Bree D. (1) & Heather F. (2)
They ran around screaming.....about coal! ~Scott R.
You know what really helps a relationship? Fasting! ~Bonnie A.
"His name is 'Ahem?'" "No, Ahern!" ~Claire K. (1) & Bree D. (2)
I am a stray cow. ~Steve H.
I'm always a snarling ball of anger. ~Claire K.
I realize you're probably scandalized by that, but you asked. ~Claire K.
Are you listening to wicked circus music? ~Heather F.
Yeah, his name is Hamlet. He's from Mexico! ~Bonnie A.
Let's face it: flex dollars are merely a tool of the man. ~David S.
God's throwing pom-pons at me! ~Caitlin W.
I don't want arms, I want ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMS!!!!!!!!!! ~Meg H.
What Would Jesus's Intestines Sing? ~Heather F.
What do I get to lick? ~Anna H.
I have the 24-hour fart sensation. ~Scott W.
On behalf of the human race, I'd like to apologise for the just under 50% of us who are wankers, to you. ~Claire K.
Well, speak of the flame! ~Heather F.
'Cuz I'm a brush-a-holic -- nonononono, don't put that on there! ~Scott W.
I wish I had a mom! ~Bonnie A.
I lose. Oh, I win! ~Heather F.
I have hips. Half my body is hips. ~Heather F.
But, like, READ A BOOK. ~Claire K.
It's like the sequel. The Weird Criminal and The Weird Criminal Strikes Herself. ~Claire K.
Because Claire is like, the umbrella name. ~Claire K.
I like Christianity. I'm not a Christian. But I like it because it keeps people who shouldn't be thinking from thinking. ~Alphonso J.
Ohgod, I'm so hyper, and I have the hugest test tomorrow.....it's my human sexuality test, so I figured, what better way to study for it than by sticking a big piece of meat that's shaped like a penis in my pants and running around hitting people with it? ~Scott W.
Just don't take it out on lamps. ~Hannah T.
Bonnie, are you drunk? ~Hannah T.
I'm big into tea right now. Seriously, dude, it's a body cleanser. ~Mark from 4275
So you're pro-rape? ~Heather F.
And it would be great if the bracelet could ooze. ~Heather F.
I don't mean mature like the pope...mature like at my level. ~Heather F.
In my world, personality = toys. ~Heather F.
He's like a log that can move. ~Heather F.
"Holy shit!" "Bonnie's?" ~Heather F. (1) & Bree D. (2)
I'm like a frightened lizard without a tail. ~Heather F.
I'm so all about yeast. ~Scott W.
It doesn't matter that Heather Graham can't act! ~Rick Norton
Do I have a big sign on me that says MOM? ~Patti Ybarra
Er. Trucks. ~Rick Norton
I radiate the heat of the sun. ~Patti Ybarra
You've already planned your shower for next week? ~Heather F.
Were you 'tacky'-ing God? ~Heather F.
Who just sponsored Bree's mystical thought of the day? Playdoh? ~Heather F.
That's why my son thinks my brain is controlled by Hitler....it's not.... ~Jack Hershbell
How did you make our room smell like seals? ~Austen M.
Does your penis have feet? ~Heather F.
Steve, you get to be a plant! Congratulations! ~Claire K.
"Why are there people dancing out in front of Mariucci?" "For your enjoyment!" ~bus driver #1 (1) & bus driver #2 (2)
"I have funny things in my mouth." "Like clowns?" ~Heather F. (1) & Bree D.r (2)
Even when you sit in your chair, you half-ass it. ~Meg H.
It's a gay pride week miracle! ~Colin G.
Does pride week have a figure, like Santa Claus? ~Colin G.
Rest In Skippy. ~Colin G.
She's just waiting for him to get rich, then she's going to feed him peanut butter. ~Colin G.
Ohmygod! It's Colin's body and Jamis's head! ~Bree D.
There's a character in the Bible named Barak. ~Bonnie A.
I'd like to hear this from you, Male-Who-Does-Not-Need-To-Be-Turned-Into-A-Plant. ~Claire K.
"I have some business to take care of." "What are you, a hitman?" ~Bonnie A. (1) & Colin G. (2)
It probably would have been better if you picked someone who speaks French. ~Matt C.
"What you wearing, Colin?" "Uhh...Right Guard." ~Bonnie A. (1) & Colin G. (2)
I'm glad you didn't open it and there were like, pit hairs on it. ~Colin G.
Mexico vs. Greenland: World War 3. ~Colin G.
I want to make soap! ~Scott W.
I am a bad example. ~Patti Ybarra
I'm like, an MTV baby. I have to have the visuals. ~Jeff Hnlinka
DON'T TELL BONNIE! ~Meg H.
Do I sound like a cartoon character? ~Stacy Erickson
I age well. ~Hannah T.
Our Jesus quit. ~Scott R.
Sometimes people will look away and tell you that you're evil. But whatever. ~Patti Ybarra
"Tap dancers scare me." "They're like mimes!" ~Bree D. (1) & Chris Moore (2)
Don't whore yourself out. ~Patti Ybarra
90% of what you read is the same. ~Patti Ybarra
You know, lust is not a problem for everybody. Ok, just kidding. ~Bonnie A.
I was taking a shower this morning, and I was like, "I could fit 5 more people in here!"! ~Heather F.
Ejac-O-Ken. Like a slot machine. ~Heather F.
Don't go to bed, there's nothing for me to do there. ~Heather F.
Nocturnal Emission Ken. ~Heather F.
You can make soup in anyone's bra, it just depends on how much you want to eat. ~Heather F.
I'm wearing a dress tomorrow, so fuck you! ~Meg H.
Spring Jam does this < stabbing motion > to your energy. ~Scott W.
Are ya gettin' down to Sousa? ~Colin G.
I'm never gonna be able to be pregnant because when people feel my stomach, it feels weird. ~Heather F.
You know how you could make your play so much better? If you could find Bob Saget in a gay porn. ~Colin G.
My gramma's so funny, she like, beats up other old people in the old folks' home. ~Colin G.
Trick him into sleeping with you! Then he's yours! ~Colin G.
I pee when I'm bored, I think. ~Heather F.
Bonnie, have you and Steve not kissed yet? ~Colin G.
An atheist named Heidi? ~Colin G.
I thought if your name was Heidi, you had to be Lutheran. ~Colin G.
I wouldn't even want my stuff to see that. ~Colin G.
I'd rather have sex than ham. ~Mike Z.
RJ stands for Howard. ~RJ Burk
You're a drain on the city's infrastructure! ~Alphonso J.
People will be last lie rotigate so that destroys ha ha ha...I need sleep ~Bree D.
Pee ketchup! ~Bonnie A.
I think your brother should be a leper, and then his fingernails could fall off! ~Scott W.
Speaking of cheese, I'm going home in a week. ~Bonnie A.
Just eat the whole reject. ~Heather F.
I need to learn how to make my own ketchup! ~Scott W.
What's your major? Polygamy. ~Scott W.
I'm majoring in lemons. ~Austen M.
I'll just play undercover and take their children away as they beat them. ~Colin G.
"Are you eating ketchup with a fork?" "Shhhh!" ~Bree D. (1) & Scott W. (2)
Ya know, there's just something about short stocky guys with goatees that bugs me. ~Colin G.
My gluteus minimus is kicking my ass....literally. ~Meg H.
That's historical violence. ~Colin G.
If you peeled that and ate it, you'd get drunk. ~Meg H.
There's no room to write "smells like shit." ~Colin G.
Yeah, unless you go to raves and go by the name Wild Banana Ass. ~Luke Corwin
Makes you look like a fag! ~Austen M.
Key box box box arrow thingie box box box box box box. That just screams Bree. ~Colin G.
I think the gene pool needs some chlorine. ~Meg H.
Luigi Gallagher? ~Colin G.
Look at the time! Gotta go declare my major! ~Colin G.
You can be a vegetarian but I insist you shoot the vegetables! ~Colin G.
No! Why is it expressing? ~Scott W.
Bree, I want to live in Morris. ~Scott W.
Salsa means anal sex! ~Colin G.
Heather, is this ok to touch, or is it like, sacred? ~Colin G.
Why'd I turn Valley Girl? ~Colin G.
New-fangled cans! ~Alphonso J.
You Caucasians make me laugh. ~Alphonso J.
The Digital Lentil Project? ~Alphonso J.
You know what I hate? Minorities! ~Colin G.
Did you know that they can make male fruit flies that hump each other? ~Alphonso J.
Why not? Why can't I take more than what I need when you have nothing? ~Andrea Gage
Bree is penetrable. ~Scott W.
Did you say speed walking or street walking? ~Andrea Gage
Schmae! ~Scott W.
Hey, weren't we planning on having you have the nickname Snatchface? ~Austen M.
That sounds like some weird kind of independent film. ~Colin G.
Heather is resuming Scott's role as the idiot dancer. ~Alphonso J.
I'd like to live in the Arctic Circle. ~Colin G.
"Shirtless victim found" versus "Victim found with shirt"? ~Colin G.
"Zubas & a halter top!" "That'd be Steve!" ~Colin G. (1) & Heather F. (2)
Are you talking about your ovaries? ~Colin G.
My babies are in a box downstairs... ~Colin G.
If I was playing Lady in Red at that moment, you'd have a picture of me, wearing a red dress, shitting out a window. ~Colin G.
My body and your head....I don't think so, Bree. I'm not an artistic whore. ~Colin G.
I almost wrote "I'm Bach" ~Colin G.
Colin does not like it when people talk about themselves in the third person. ~Colin G.
Oh my God. I, a Catholic, am telling an agnostic to lighten up about sex! ~Colin G.
You know what I realized last night......I'm a male lesbian! ~Colin G.
I'm so honk-a-licious. ~Colin G.
It's just so....QWERTY! ~Colin G.
"Our State Government is Pedophile Free....Guaranteed!" (new KY motto) ~Colin G.
God...I sound like a commercial. ~Colin G.
Professor of Karate...hmmmm...PhD in kickin' ass! ~Colin G.
He's one of those crispies who even scares God. ~Colin G.
Religiditzy....sounds Italian. ~Colin G.
Qwertyfully religiditzy. ~Colin G.
I'm mp3 crazee! ~Colin G.
Oh, ick! ~Alphonso J.
She has those eyes like "I'm gonna knock the shit outta you!"! ~Alphonso J.
Did you have a nice leak? ~Alphonso J.
I'm just laughing at who you are. ~Austen M.
"Is someone in there? Are they going to kill us?" "No, they're going to go to the bathroom." ~Danika K. (1) & Jamis A. (2)
Today was gay pride day for downloading mp3s. ~Colin G.
I hate being Johnny Cash central. ~Colin G.
Oooh....I should actually comprehend what I read! ~Colin G.
Plus, I'm Gandhi! ~Colin G.
CSOM is the bane of my academic existence! ~Colin G.
Lust has blinded my ability to spell! ~Colin G.
Sure...and Hitler "accidentally" invaded Poland! ~Colin G.
You two should get an apartment together after college and both get Harleys. ~Colin G.
Maybe that's why he became an atheist. He was convinced there was no god after his parents named him Llewelyn. ~Colin G.
It's Irish, not Ghetto. ~Colin G.
You don't get on anyone the night of "the prophecy"!! ~Meg H.
That's what abortions are for! ~Meg H.
Air quotes! ~Meg H.
"Join the Air Force......We love you, unlike your stingy parents" (New Air Force Slogan) ~Colin G.
She was so stupid too! She must've had pictures of an administrator in a compromising position. ~Colin G.
Brb...gotta wash off my noxema mask. ~Colin G.
France is in Paris! ~Heather F.
I just entertained the hell out of myself. ~Heather F.
"No more crotch for you!" "You're the Crotch Nazi?" ~Heather F. (1) & Lauren Donath (2)
There's no coffeeshops awake. ~Tasha B.
Geoff's going into the men's bathroom! That's so funny! ~Heather F.
Off my couch of innocence! ~Anna H.
I pretended to like sports at fifteen. ~Geoff Van Dahm
"Aren't they illegal?" "S'mores?" ~Lauren Donath (1) & Heather F. (2)
If you know exactly where it is on your arm map, why are we worrying about what it's called? ~Lauren Donath
Yeah, like a Coke bottle. Not a 2-liter. ~Heather F.
It was unanymous. ~Anna H.
I don't go straight. I go forward. ~Geoff Van Dahm
I don't know, some old man ate 'em! ~Heather F.
Good God, Bree! You just don't understand! Guys don't kick other guys in the balls.....ONLY if their life is threatened do they do that! ~Colin G.
"Dammit! I've been saving up dating credits while everyone else was spending them WASTEFULLY. Now I want to cash in more than just a few, but they don't accept Discover card....ARRGH!" "Get your ass to an ATM!" "You asses broke the damn thing!" ~Colin G.(1 & 3) & Bree D. (2)
Bree, I'll save you the time. Yes, you are allergic to semen. ~Scott W.
Then he won't get hurt much if his mission fails. ~Colin G.
Maybe, but sometimes I feel like it's trying to make mass travel at the speed of light. Theoretically, something happens, but you just can't do it. ~Colin G.
Well, if you can demonstrate that your car goes at warp speed, I would like to buy it. ~Andu Balakrishnan
Get out of my country! ~Cameron Beman
And then they could put "uproarious" on the box! ~Cameron Beman
When you run for Congress, your trademark could be visciously slashing your opponents with a box cutter when they corner you at a debate. "Dalager for Congress. She has a box cutter." ~Colin G.
Just because they can talk doesn't mean they're intelligent. ~Josh N.
Women should rule the world! Men are fuckers! ~Josh N.
You mean, meat in a bottle? ~Josh N.
That's ironic. ~Josh N.
Well, you ride me like a salad. ~Jamis A.
"With all the hot men on there without shirts on." "Yeah, my mom wears those...I mean watches." ~Benjamin H. (1) & Bree D. (2)
"It just makes me wanna die!" "You mean live?" ~Anna H. (1) & Tasha B. (2)
Being a Big Buddy is more fun than shooting a gun! ~sidewalk
Derek, do I play flute? ~Benjamin H.
It's full of bad! ~Bree D.
That's good stuff. ~Bree D.
Have a camera? ~Kristen Stubbs
I don't mean to belittle the nose zit. ~Scott R.
Don't get so offensive! ~Colin G.
It's like I'm playing ultimate hard to get! I'm asexual! ~Josh N.
You look like the Zelda boy! That's a compliment... ~Josh N.
What's with the capris???!!! ~Stephen Casper
You don't turn an absent-minded person into a conscientious one, you just keep him away from the blender. ~Alphonso J.
I can type! ~Meg H.
He's flickering gay. ~Kristen Stubbs
Bree, is it all right if I call you Psycho Bree? ~Meg H.
He'd be like, "What the hell?! They're eating rocks!" ~Meg H.
"Hi Scott." "Haw! You got arrested!" ~Bree D. (1) & Scott W. (2)
I tend not to brood becaaaaaause...it takes a lot of energy. I don't have excess energy. I budget it all. ~Bree D.
You know what would be really funny? If it really was Jesus, and it was his second coming. ~Anna H.
That doesn't mean she hates you. ~Scott R.
Is that an aborted baby? No, it's frozen people. ~Scott R.
Yes I did catch something. It was huge. I can't pee! ~Josh N.
And I might just transmit them now. ~Josh N.
You better go away before I turn your crotch into human pizza. ~Josh N.
I can't feel my nose. ~Eric Brenneman
Love at first website! ~Scott R.
Conservative Quaker Oatmeal! ~Phil Knoll
I'm just going to sit in my techno adobe...abode... ~Meg H.
So are you going to toddle up to the next attractive person you see and be like, "I want a house. Candy is good, too."? ~Meg H.
Check, check....Jesus is Lord...check, two, three... ~Jonathan Bizloo
He's smart, and he reads for fun! ~Scott W.
Bree, you should know by now, I'm a first-date whore! ~Scott W.
Since you're gay, you're funny! ~Meg H.
Bree! Your abortion pants smell like ass! ~Meg H.
"She turns into a car?" "Yes, this car." ~Mike Z. (1) & Kristen Stubbs (2)
I'll just take it out and be like, "Grab my wrist!" ~Anna H.
Why did my mom send me old lady shit? ~Meg H.
Was anybody like, "No!"? ~Scott R.
That RU-486 pill is fucking freedom! ~Jamis A.
The land where honey flows...like blood. Oh wait....I think it was blood flows like honey. ~Meg H.
Grab my wrist!! ~Anna H.
Mike! We have Scottish dwarves! ~Kristen Stubbs
I wonder how they write Scottish accents in Japanese... ~Kristen Stubbs
Oh, ok...that's so....wrong! ~Moussa Traoré
You know, around solstice, it starts getting darker and darker, and everyone was probably like, "You know, maybe we should worship something..." ~Meg H.
It's turtles all the way down. ~Raymond Duvall